I want your hair in my mouth and I want your lipstick on my cheek and I want your head nestled in a perfect slat above my breastbone. I want your teeth in my neck. I want earlobe between my lips and I want a hand on your spark, slowing the fire. xo
Most of the time, you’re just a dull ache in my chest, a flickering candle in the dark expanse that is my mind. But sometimes, all the pain that you’ve caused me takes me by surprise. When I’m lying in bed at night or when I’m out shopping. It comes crashing down on me like waves made out of lead. It settles somewhere deep inside my chest, lapping at my lungs like molten lava. The searing pain does not end and I have to retreat back into myself for the rest of the day, no hope of healing all the wounds you gave me. Relationships are so damaging, it’s a wonder we get into them at all. It isn’t the memories that kill me and the tears that keep spilling over whenever I think of you aren’t what causes me to lose myself. It is the undeniable truth, that somewhere out there, you are alive and you are not crushed by the memory of me. You will never feel your ribs ache or your lungs scream in protest at the pain of my absence. You live your days happily, to their full potential. I live my days haunted, a mere shadow of who I was before. You. No matter if things improve with time, I will still bear the scars and feel the emptiness.
But the waves, they will never reach you.